How To Make Slavery O.K.

Woah there.

Lets not ruffle our feathers.

Hear me out.


I don't think that we should enslave a bunch of people based or sex, religion, or race or anything like that. That's the worst kind of malignant nonsense there is.

But I think that it should be perfectly legal to ride a horse bareback through Hollywood and burlap sack whatever reality TV star or general fame whore you see walking around.

The thing is, they have to contribute negatively to society in order to be eligible for slavery. They have to be making millions off of their mercilessly shallow existence for absolutely no reason. The things they produce must actually subtract from the value of our culture. I won't name names because it fuels the fire, but I'm sure you can think up of one or two famous asses.


So what would happen is that you'd have to haul in your capture to a local Fame Whore office of some sort, where they would be evaluated. I know some of you are just gonna hop on a horse and snatch an actor or musician you want to fuck.

No. I'm talking labor. That's just rape, what you're thinking about. I'm not condoning rape. Not yet.

So okay, you get this meaningless celebrity and it's approved by the Fame Whore offices.

Once that happens, all their rights as human beings are revoked. Now if, by some chance, they manage to produce something worthwhile during their slavery, that product gets evaluated by the Fame Whore office and they are either denied or granted freedom.

In terms of escape... well... if they can make it back to Hollywood and find an agent, you lose all property rights. But if you catch them...well... you can go take them to The Gathering as punishment. Leave them there and exchange them for a juggalo.


I think that this rooting of fame whores will surely allow show business to once again become a business run by integrity and cultural altruism.